What Every Speaker is Afraid to Hear (But Needs Most)

Public speaking is one of the most vulnerable things a leader can do. You’re exposed, you’re being judged in real time, and the stakes feel high — which is why most speakers either avoid feedback altogether or settle for vague encouragement like, “Great job!” In this episode, Clay and Adam unpack why that’s a problem and how the right kind of feedback is the fastest path to becoming a better communicator.

Clay opens with the classic Seinfeld line about people preferring to be in the casket rather than giving the eulogy — a reminder that speaking triggers deep vulnerability. Adam follows by naming the trap: if we don’t seek real feedback, we end up believing we crushed it when we may have simply survived it.

The conversation explores three big ideas:

• Why speakers need feedback: You’re too close to your own message to see what the audience sees. Your last talk is your best teacher — but only if you know what to listen for.

• Why feedback feels so hard: Speaking ties into identity, vulnerability, fear of rework, and the awkwardness of unsolicited critiques.

• How to get better feedback: Ask better questions, ask multiple people, and use tools like recordings, surveys, and time-stamped comments to see what you missed.

The episode closes with one simple takeaway:

Growth = vulnerability + curiosity.

The quickest way to get better is to ask for the feedback before the feedback finds you.

Call to Action:

Before your next talk, line up three people and ask,

“Will you give me honest feedback after I speak?”

Listen to the latest episode of How To Lead.